I am missing my baby a lot today. A year ago today I was dressed as an angel watching over my little angel who was in the PICU. I was so excited to dress her up! I was really disappointed that we couldn't be home for Halloween, but we made the best of it and we dressed her anyway. I had a cute outfit that said My First Halloween which was a 0-3 months and it was HUGE on her. She was so tiny. And at that point she had lost all her hair! It came back later, but she was bald for a bit. We always said we rubbed it off her head because she LOVED to have her head rubbed. And for awhile, that was all we could do, when we couldn't hold her. Anyway, we dressed her up and she looked so cute.
My mom was so great to come to the hospital all the time with me while Ben was at work. I loved the company.
And then Nannie made her the cutest princess outfit. She looked so adorable. I loved it. Nannie is so crafty and so talented!
I miss her so much. I wish I could have dressed her up in a cute costume this year. I wish I could have taken her around to see the Grandmas and family and showed her off to everyone! It would have been so much fun. It doesn't help that Ben had to work tonight either.... I'm lonely.
My heart aches. I want to hold her, cuddle with her and kiss her chubby cheeks all over. I hope they are having a big Halloween Party in heaven and she is in her costume eating lots of candy! :)
12 comments:
Teea:
I think those are some of the cutest and most precious pictures I've ever seen. Oh, Teea it's just so hard. I'm so sorry you don't have her here this year to enjoy. So many lost dreams for both of us! Thank you for the sweet comment you left on my blog. We have a neighborhood party each year on Halloween night and I just couldn't go. It was just too hard to put on that happy face so I went to the cemetery and spent some time with my Wyatt. I don't think I have ever been to a cemeteray on halloween night--defintely a first! But it ended up being a very peaceful place all by myself. I too hope our angels are together in heaven trick or treating and eating lots of candy. I think you are simply awesome Teea! I can't wait to meet you someday.
Love ya!
Andrea
Teea,
I am Andrea's friend. We have known each other since 2nd grade. I found your blog through hers. Your story has touched my heart. I am so, so, sorry for your loss. Kynslee is a beautiful baby. How very fitting of you to be an angel for Halloween last year-this year she is your angel! I hope your evening wasn't too lonely. Much Love & Hugs, Robyn
I am so sorry Teea. I was thinking of you, and Ben and Kynslee last night as well, it must be so hard for you. I hope you know if there is anything I can do for you I am happy to. We love you, and miss our sweet Kyns as well.
Em
Teaa, my heart brakes for you. I remember seeing you with Kynslee. It was the day Ryker had his heart surgery and I thought Kynslee just looked so cute. I thought about you guys all day. We miss Kynslee and we miss Ryker. I was mad because I did not have either of my babies and I wanted to dress them up too. It better be one heck of a party.
awe she's so cute! Every one on of those pictures she is a doll! I am so sad I never got to meet her! Im sure she is having a fun halloween party in Heaven and eating lots of candy!
I'm sorry you had such a bad night. I hope she had a fun time at her big party. I know she had a good time with her Uncle EJ making her laugh and giving her way to much candy (that was his favorite food!) We love you!
u are so strong and amazing. i love you.
You are such a good mamma, You really were an angel, how perfect that you dressed up as one for halloween last year. I KNOW Kynslee and her crew were trick-or treating up there...I bet they pass out the good stuff too...none of those yucky black and orange wrapped peanutbutter taffys that they pass out down here! You and ben are always in my thoughts and prayers and you have taught me to take every moment of motherhood as a gift. We love you!
Teea,
I friend gave me this poem today and i thought you might like it.
You are always in my prayers. I love you.
Amanda
A sweet little child
at a party one day,
when toys were being given away,
discovered a broken one,
and with a smile, said:
"I'll take it.
You see, I know my Daddy
can fix anything,
and soon it will be
good as new."
And once, perhaps, in heaven one day
when bodies were being given away,
a sweet little child
discovered a broken one,
and with a smile, said"
"I'll take it.
You see, I know my Father
can fix anything,
and someday it will be
good as new."
Now we, in all our deepest grief -
in searching for that sweet relief -
are clinging to that hopeful knowledge, too
We love you guys and we love kynslee so much! i think about her quite often. I think that i will always have a special bond with that little girl! i learned so much from her and and both of you. You guys really made me think when i was getting married and going through the temple that week of ups and downs, i knew that what i was doing was right and because i was making thoes choices i will to have children and be sealed to them forever! thank you so much for teaching me how important that week was!! i love you guys. And my way cute niece!!!! LOve ya
Teea, my heart aches for you. I would never be able to live life as as you do day to day. You are so strong and I truly look up to how corageous you are. It takes a special person to be able to survive what you have.
I'm so sorry that you have felt the loneliness and heartache of loosing your sweet, beautiful little girl. I hope your heart is at peace. I have a great admiration for you, even though we haven't met before. I'm sure the party in heaven was incredible! The candy was probably amazing too!
-Ashley, IHH
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