We went to his two week doctor appointment on Monday, and everything looks good. His jaundice levels are lower and he is looking a lot less yellow. He is only in the 25th percentile for weight and the 50th percentile for height. He is our cute, very little baby. He is back to his birth weight at 7 lbs 10 oz. He is a really good baby. Once he's fed and changed, he is content to just sit and look around. We love having him with us and everyday we just love him more and more. We are finally used to life with a newborn, with little sleep, feedings all the time, and everything else that comes with it. This time around, things are so different for us as parents. But we are getting the hang of everything. Feedings were a problem for awhile. Nursing has been a little bit of a challenge for us. (I was never able to nurse Kynslee, I just pumped for a couple of months). After I started cracking and bleeding I was ready to give up. It was awful! I would just sit and cry and think about how I couldn't do it anymore. But luckily things are better now. I am so glad Ben was able to take some time off as we got used to everything. It was kind of hard for me at first, just not getting any sleep and trying to figure out everything, plus with all the hormones and everything. More than once I broke down crying, feeling like an inadequate mother. Plus on top of all that, all the emotions and feelings I have concerning Kynslee have effected me as well. I miss her so much! I am so happy Payson is here and healthy, but I sometimes feel guilty for feeling so happy that Payson is healthy. It makes me feel like I wasn't as happy with Kynslee, or I love her less. Obviously that is not true, but grief just plays with your emotions and thoughts so much. I really have to think realistically and know that Kynslee is just as happy that Payson is here and healthy, too. I know she knows my heart, and knows I love her so much. But when the grief takes over, it's hard to concentrate on what is real. Everyday I do feel bad that Kynslee was not a healthy baby and that we didn't get to do these things with her. As I have said many times, it's just not fair. But I do feel her close to us, and that has helped a lot. With all this, poor Ben probably thought his wife was losing it! But he was so supportive and so helpful and just the best friend and husband. Everything is going great now and I feel more like myself. I am still sore, but recovering pretty good from the surgery. And I just love being a mom again. It makes me so happy to have a baby to hold in my arms and to take care of. I have really missed that. He really makes me so happy.
And just for fun, here are some more pictures of him! :)
Love my boys!
12 comments:
He is so cute!! My kids hated baths at first, but now they LOVE them, so maybe he will when he gets bigger. Don't feel guilty for anything T. You are the perfect Mom for ALL your kids! Love ya.
Teea he is so cute! I love the pictures of him.
Cute Pictures. He is so super cute. Oh I don't know if I am ready for all the emotions after having a baby. It's such a fun time, but emotional for us Mom's. :) Poor Husbands that have to try and figure us out. ha ha
Teea, I found your blog through one of the heart family blog. We just lost our first child, a girl born Sept 5th with HLHS. She lived for just a week. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm following your blog. Your little Payson is WAY cute! I can't imagine all the emotions you're feeling, with having just given birth and all those hormones couple with all the emotions surrounding your daughter. Be kind to yourself though. I read a story about a mom who after having lost her 1st baby upon having her 2nd and suffering with guilt had a dream that her first child came to her and told her that she needed to be this baby's mom now, and she would get to be his mom later. That comforted me just thinking that it's just a little out of order, that's all. But we will still mother each of our children in time.
Awe he is so cute!! I love him!! Brynlee hated baths until I started putting her in the bath with me and then she loved it. I think it was because she was cold before. Don't get discouraged with nursing eventually the pain stops!! We all have been there. I broke down numerous times but you are a great mom!!! So don't worry!! If you ever need someone to talk to or cry with just call me!!
He is adorable, he does look like Kynslee in some of her slideshow pics. They are both precious and lucky to have such great parents.
LOL! He is just too cute. I feel that way a lot Teea. It makes me seem crazy, but I guess you are not alone in feeling like that. Payson is so sweet and I am glad that feedings are going better (not looking forward to that when we do have more biological kids!) Hang in there, and we cannot wait to meet your cute guy!!!
Heart hugs,
Emily
He's way cute! So fun!
Awe Teea, He is so very handsome!! :)
yay! I'm glad you posted more photos of that cute baby boy!
Ok, Here's my advice, not that it's going to be life changing or anything...but for what it's worth- Try not to be hard on yourself. Try is the key word. always try to pull yourself back to reality like you said and remember that all your feelings and emotions are normal. I remember holding bridger and crying...for no real reason, just that I was happy he was here and scared he would be taken from me...oh the emotions after having a baby...and I didn't have anything to deal with compared to what you have been through as a mother. Remember that Kynslee has such a perfect understanding and love, she knows how much you and ben love her! And- if you don't snap out of it all of the way in a week...that is ok too, It took me a while to feel normal again, the first few months were the hardest though. Hard but also so great! I love you guys and can't wait to meet that little guy! I know you are a wonderful mommy!
I just read Adrienne Orracks comment and loved it, So true...it is Way out of order, but you will get to enjoy all of these moments you get with Payson and your other children, with Kynslee too!
Hooray for adorable babies!! Payson is so lucky to have you and Ben and Kynslee. You can do it!! It's tough, and we are here if you need to vent, cry or whatever. So happy for you!
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